Hi everyone that time of week when I drop you all another blog. So let’s talk about nightmares, as a child we all had them now and then but in regular adulthood maybe not so much.
Mine started up again I guess during my first round of chemo which you all know that may have seen my previous blog was the hardest challenge I’ve ever taken up.
I think the night terrors started when had fallen ill with too may infections for one leukaemia patient to take but I’m still here.
The first time it began was when I woke up in my sleep and I was paralysed with fear and unable to even make a sound and all I could hear was my struggling breaths as I fought the fungal Pneumonia that was trying to take its toll on my body along with the other many complications that had arisen.
At the time all that ran through my head that was this could be the end and I was going to die alone in the dark unable and frozen in terror not able to reach the alarm to call the nurse and not surrounded by the people I loved at the end, unable to see my wife or my grandchildren’s faces, my mum and my sister.
This somehow became the nightmares that would be appear in my sleep during my treatments and even now they still come back to haunt me from time to time.
Take for example this week on Monday was to the date I was diagnosed and my nightmares came back my wife told me I was screaming out in my sleep, I sensed that she had entered the room and turned on the bedside lamp but was unable to wake me, it was like being awake in sleep mode but unable to open your eyes for it to end.
I’m now nearly 8 months since I finished and I’m still haunted by my what I would could my living nightmare that started way back at the start of my fight with cancer and AML.
Growing up I’ve seen my fair share of horror movies and this was my real life Nightmare On Elm Street, where my fears and horrors had started in real life and now every so often haunt my dreams, so it was kind of backwards for those who know the film.
I think looking at it my cancer is my Freddy Kruger to his Nancy and the victims it takes and those who also fight back, myself and many others.
I hope in time , they ease as I still continue to heal.
Remember people we are all strong and truly beautiful and amazing for those who are in the fight and those who come out of the fight but we all well know the fight for us may never end it just gets easier.
Stay strong people.